Our adoption social worker keeps Sunday office hours, it seems. We got an email yesterday from her with a rough draft of our home study. Keep in mind, I was expecting it by today, but it still caught me off guard. It's almost like I have dual angels on my shoulders, one shouting and dancing with each step in progress (because progress is good! Getting closer to having Z home!!), and the other angel menacingly whispering that each step means that money, our biggest obstacle in this journey, will be due that much sooner. As I was thinking about the upcoming deadlines, I started to think about Matthew 14.
I've already addressed Matthew 14 previously in our adoption process (loaves and fishes, remember?), but the Lord drew me to the next few verses today:
The disciples were in a boat, and in the mist of the morning, Jesus walked toward them, standing on the water. The guys thought He was a ghost, and they kind of freaked out a bit, but Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
Peter (the brave little soul) said, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” Jesus said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when Peter saw the wind, there went the faith, and he started to sink, crying out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
-He loves and follows Jesus: The loaves and fishes thing happened at dinner the night before. Jesus sent the disciples onto the boat while He sent the crowd away (bellies full, no less!). Jesus didn't come to them on the water until sunrise the next morning, meaning they waited all night on the boat for his return. I sure wouldn't wait all night on a boat for something I wasn't passionate about!
-He trusts Jesus: Thinking Jesus was a ghost, they were probably wondering if they stood better chances going overboard or confronting the spirit. When Peter questions Him, he wants the impossible proved to know it is Him. I mean, who else could enable him to walk on water?? When Jesus says, "Come," it doesn't say that Peter hesitated and thought about it for a minute, or waited for Jesus to get closer to get a better look at the figure of Him; he stepped out the boat. Confident in who Jesus was, he stepped out of the boat, just as if he were getting out of bed in the morning, or standing up from a chair and walking across the room. That. Takes. Trust.
So this is where things get interesting. Here's Jesus, in all the morning mist, hair glistening, I'm sure, standing on the water, and then there's Peter, making his way towards Him. Putting myself in Peter's shoes (or possibly lack thereof), I get it! You're taking a literal huge step of faith, this Jesus knows, and you think you're fully trusting Him! Eyes locked on Him, you take step after step closer to Him...and then comes the wind. Peter saw the wind, or the strength of the wind, and became frightened. He took his eyes off the prize of Jesus. He lost focus of his goal, and started to sink. He let the strength of the wind, which Jesus made, in and through, sway him. When it was calm, it was easy. It's when his faith was tested that he wavered.
As Jesus does, he was teaching Peter, and us...He is teaching me, a lesson.
Right now, folks, I feel like I'm in the boat. I'm Peter, being a good disciple of Jesus, waiting for Him to return. Our family is responding in obedience to God's call on our lives for adoption. We've said yes, and we're waiting in the boat.
I look into the dawn, and I'm scared of what I see, until I recognize that it's Jesus. Wanting to be sure, ask if I can trust Him, and of course, He says, "Come." We looked into the eyes of a little boy who is a world away, and knew he was our son.
But Lord, are you sure? We can't afford adoption. Jesus said, "Come."
"You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Though Jesus has given us no reason to doubt His promises, our minds are full of BUT JESUS....BUT WHAT IF.... all the while, He asks, "Why do you doubt?"
I know the path to where He's calling us won't be without wind. I fully expect the wind. So far, our 'wind' is people telling me that my choices don't make a any sense. Our 'wind' is someone telling me that this will never work, and we'll never get the support we need to make this happen.
But let me tell you, we're keeping our eyes on Jesus. We're keeping our focus on the One who's called us to this task. When Peter faltered and called for help, Jesus immediately caught him, and immediately, He'll catch us. Through the seas of paperwork, the mountains of waiting, and the winds of finances, He will immediately come to our aid.
So, in a little bit more than a nutshell, that's what came to me, in one instant, while curled up on the couch with my little girl. I am by no means cut out to be a preacher or professional writer (that much might already be evident), but I hope that, by getting these thoughts out there, our focus will stay straight, and our travel will come quickly.
"You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Though Jesus has given us no reason to doubt His promises, our minds are full of BUT JESUS....BUT WHAT IF.... all the while, He asks, "Why do you doubt?"
I know the path to where He's calling us won't be without wind. I fully expect the wind. So far, our 'wind' is people telling me that my choices don't make a any sense. Our 'wind' is someone telling me that this will never work, and we'll never get the support we need to make this happen.
But let me tell you, we're keeping our eyes on Jesus. We're keeping our focus on the One who's called us to this task. When Peter faltered and called for help, Jesus immediately caught him, and immediately, He'll catch us. Through the seas of paperwork, the mountains of waiting, and the winds of finances, He will immediately come to our aid.
So, in a little bit more than a nutshell, that's what came to me, in one instant, while curled up on the couch with my little girl. I am by no means cut out to be a preacher or professional writer (that much might already be evident), but I hope that, by getting these thoughts out there, our focus will stay straight, and our travel will come quickly.
